


blameless

by InsertImaginativeNameHere



Series: The Events Surrounding Kate's Injury [3]
Category: Baccano!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I...deal a lot with the aftermath of Kate's injuries, In-Laws, Miscarriage, so please be warned if this will get to you tread lightly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15441801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertImaginativeNameHere/pseuds/InsertImaginativeNameHere
Summary: The night of her injury, Kate lies awake. She finds comfort from an unlikely source, and comes to realise that she cannot shoulder the blame for something in which she was entirely blameless.





	blameless

**Author's Note:**

> ooooh boy. months later, and I'm back at it again on a Keith/Kate train. choo choo.  
> nah but seriously, some heavy shit.

She ran her thumb across the scratches on his knuckles and sighed. While she didn’t want to think about what Keith had done for her, it was impossible not to in the face of such concrete evidence. She pictured her husband’s quiet, expressionless face as he killed a man. The man she loved, who was so gentle with her, so kind, that when someone hurt her he made sure they didn’t see another day. She saw him doing such things it rocked the very certainty of her world. She felt the scratches on his knuckles and knew she would always love him, no matter what his hands said he’d done.

Kate was not an overly religious woman but she feared for his soul right then. Not what suffering it might endure after death, but what punishment he would inflict upon it in life. He was experienced enough that his deeds would not keep him awake at night, but he was still a man with a conscience. A good man. In the pit of her stomach, Kate felt guilty, for putting her husband in this situation, for making him feel this guilt and pain, over her. An image haunted her, of the look on Keith’s face when he saw her injuries, how lost and alone and frightened her steadfast husband looked, on her account.

Now he was sleeping. Even in dreams, he looked worried. The lines on his forehead had eased, but were ever present, daily concerns never granting him so much as a moment of freedom. It had taken a lot to even coax him to bed, so unwilling was he to let up his guard after this. Soon as his head hit the pillow, however, he had been out like a light.

Kate had made sure of it, with the sleep medication she had stirred into his drink. He needed the rest. To stop stewing over his sins, and sleep.

He looked peaceful. Troubled, but peaceful.

Meanwhile, she had allowed herself no such luxury. If she started self-medicating her loss, she would never stop. That was a dangerous road. So she lay awake, holding herself together, when all she wanted to do was fall apart, sob until her throat was raw. For her husband, for his soul, for their lost child-

The thought of it was too much. Her body shook as she stifled a sob.

She’d hoped. They would have been a family. Not only would Keith have had an heir, but he’d have had a reason to be careful, a reason to stay alive. But greater than that, there was a child who would never draw breath, a human being who would never grow up, would never look her in the eyes and call her mother, who would never-

Wiping away tears, she got up and went to the bathroom. There was a bruised, battered woman in the mirror. She scarcely recognised herself.

The loss cut her deeper than any of these wounds, the pain of it was so much more agonising, her composure cracked and she doubled over, openly weeping.

She was alive. It would be alright, in the long run. The ache she felt in her chest right now would pass. In the moment, however, recovery couldn’t have felt more distant as she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from waking Keith.

Too late. There was a presence in the doorway. She stood up, words of apology on her lips, to see her sister-in-law staring at her in concern. Kate wiped her tears, assuming a brave face.

“Kalia. I didn’t know you were awake.”

At Keith’s (and Berga, and Luck’s) insistence, Kalia was staying with them to keep a close eye. Kate was not a china doll, but in that moment she’d never felt more fragile, more broken.

“Yeah, well. I ain’t dosed up to high heaven. Don’t think I didn’t notice you drugging Keith.” She pursed her lips, clearly studying Kate, before saying, gently, “Didn’t want him catching you like this, didya?”

Numbly, Kate shook her head. Her eyes were welling up again. She tried to reply, but couldn’t find any words. When she tried to speak, she knew she would break down again.

“Hey, hey, Kate.” Kalia moved to her side, placing a conciliatory hand on her back. “It’s okay. Nobody blames you for what happened. You sure as hell don’t need to blame yourself.”

Her words cut through Kate’s sorrow, hitting her right at that place in her chest where the pain was worst.

It wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t hold herself accountable for a thing over which she had no control.

It wasn’t her fault. Much as it felt like it.

“I’ll make you a hot cocoa,” Kalia offered.

Smiling weakly, Kate shook her head. “No thank you, Kalia. I rather don’t fancy being poisoned today.”

“Hey! My cocoa ain’t that bad! Berga drinks it, no complaints.”

“Berga has an iron gut, and besides, he’s too-” _in awe of your temper_. “In love-” _also true_. “-to say anything.”

That did the trick. Kalia smiled wistfully. “Aw, he’s such a big dumb puppy. I love him too.” She offered Kate her arm. “You supervise the cocoa-making. That way it might turn out drinkable.”

Kate nodded, and they went through to the kitchen, drank cocoa, ate cookies. Kalia told Kate several lewd jokes; Kate told one the other woman hadn’t heard before, and she hooted with laughter.

Eventually, Kate was exhausted enough to head back to bed. She tried to thank Kalia, to no avail. The other woman kept waving it off.

“Save it. We’re family. That’s what I’m here for.” She squeezed Kate’s hand. “If there’s anything you ever need to talk about, I’m always here.”

She considered telling Kalia what had happened, but she knew if she did, she’d be a wreck all over again. Maybe one day, when everything was less fresh. She knew her sister-in-law’s offer wasn’t hollow. She really would be there.

Kissing Kalia’s cheek, she bid her goodnight and squeezed back into bed next to Keith. He didn’t stir, but the lines on his forehead eased again. His dreams seemed calmer, he seemed _whole_. She kissed his forehead, and at long last allowed sleep to claim her too.

In the morning, she awoke to a cooked breakfast, and a kiss, and _Keith_. He too seemed calmer. Less wrapped up in guilt.

And Kalia busied herself around the place, acting like she had nothing to do with any of it -- and Kate knew she was in the right family. There were hardships anywhere, and she would go through them with the people she cared about, who cared about her.

One day the pain would be less, but until then she had _them_. She was home.

She was proud. Proud to be one of them.

Proud, whatever the consequences may be, proud to be a Gandor.


End file.
